Gilligan's Pet
by Luke Skywaxer
Summary: I made some suggested changes to this story and am trying to salvage it. Thanks for the reviews already. Also, I changed the rating. This is sort of a parody anyway, but I don't mean to offend anyone. I guess I'm just trying to write humor & not succeedin


_Okay, I got some good tips from some great writers and decided I'd better do something to clean this story up a bit. For those of you who don't know, I'm not the owner of the Gilligan's Island crew, obviously. Thanks again for the reviews!_

_2008-07-01 Okay again, after some wonderful remarks by livid fans of Gilligan's Island, I decided I'd better change a few more things. Whew, us Gilligan Island lovers are a tough bunch! (And yes, I include myself) My apologies to anyone I probably deeply offended. I'm doing my best to salvage what there is left of this story. Thanks again!_

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Gilligan and Mary Ann were doing a little barefooting together on the beach, holding hands and whispering sweet nothings to one another. It had indeed been a very long and trying Island vacation, one that had gone horribly wrong from the beginning and then gotten better and then worse and then better and then worse and then better again. The cycle was always exactly the same length and puctuated by short commercial breaks every ten minutes or so.

While they were walking, Gilligan happened to step in some doggy (stuff), which was strange since no one had ever seen a dog on the island. He was embarrassed and immediately blamed Mary Ann for leaving it where he would probably step. Ginger walked up just as Mary Ann was defending herself.

"I didn't _do_ that!" said Mary Ann. She pulled her hand away from his and looked like she would cry.

Ginger smiled at Gilligan who was busy trying to clean his shoes on a tree. This was a good time to move in on the only "real" man on the island. The others, well, the others were just always busy with other matters. Now that Mary Ann had dropped the ball, Ginger could peel Gilligan away for some time to herself.

Mary Ann saw it coming. They always took sides against her. But she, quickly using her head, said, "Hey, why did you even step in doggy (stuff)?"

"Because I did, that's all. How should I know? There isn't a good answer to that one," said Denver, which is what Gilligan sometimes insisted on being called, especially on payday.

"Riiiight." said Mary Ann, "My sweet Gilligan, that is my point exactly."

"Uh, you aren't making any points, Sweetheart," went Ginger, rolling her eyes. She slid her fingers into Gilligan's and started talking about a movie she did once, where "…blah blah blah."

Mary Ann worked her way back to Gilligan. "Do you get what I'm saying to you?" she asked.

"Hmmmm," hummed Gilligan, as Ginger began running her fingers through his hair. Every nerve ending on his head and neck began to scream at him: "There's a beautiful red herred woman touching your head!" Sensory overload was imminent. Gilligan got a silly, sleepy look on his face. Everything within him was telling him to run, to head for the other side of the island while he could still function. But when he thought to do this, Ginger held him more tightly and blocked his way.

"Gilligan!" continued Mary Ann, seeing she was losing the battle, "I'm talking about there not being any dogs on this tiny love isle of ours. So why are you stepping in one's (stuff)?"

"Hmmmm?"

Mary Ann, sweet Mary Ann nearly rolled her eyes in irritation. But, alas, she was after all Sweet Mary Ann and could not bring her eyes to roll in such a manner. She stared at the two of them while Ginger continued to prattle on about how so-and-so was supposed to sweep the girl off of her feet and then the girl was supposed to "…blah blah blah."

Well Gilligan was not catching on, so Mary Ann looked around for a stick with which to draw him a picture in the sand.

Gilligan's eyes went wide when he saw what she was holding. "I've got an idea," he said, breaking away from Ginger's charms. He grabbed the stick from Mary Ann's hands. "Watch this!" he shouted. And he threw the stick out into the lagoon. It made a big splash. "Fetch!" he cried.

Suddenly a large, furry dog sprang from the ferns and rushed barking into the lagoon. Mary Ann applauded and Gilligan took a bow, then they watched the rabid dog swim out to the stick. They had flushed the creature out and now they could deal with it in a methodical way over the next fifteen minutes exactly, in which their first three attempts to rid themselves of the mad dog would fail and create more anxiety...

Skipper and Professor were skinny dipping in the lagoon. They were surprised by the dog's sudden appearance. And the dog was just as surprised at their..."appearance." It began biting them both.

"Help!" They cried in unison.

"Gilligan!" shouted Skipper. "I'm going to swat the top of your head with my hat when I get out of here!"

"Wait a minute," said Professor, "I think Gilligan might have just saved our lives, let me tell you how."

That always got everyone's attention. Professor had a knack for thinking outside of the box and usually gave the credit of his ideas to Gilligan based on some hairbrained thing he had done or said. What no one ever realized was that this strategy allowed the Professor to remain untouchable, clearly the leader and the one to look to in a crisis. And, Gilligan's glory would fizzle away sooner or later. The boy was a good lightning rod, as well, should something go wrong.

Everyone swam out into the lagoon to hear how Gilligan had saved them, including the Howells and their pet monkey.

The rabid dog paddled from one person to the next, proceeding to bite everyone.

"We're listening," said Skipper, treading water and blood.

"Yeah, how has Gilligan saved us?" said the monkey. He pushed the dog away from his leg and it went on toward Mrs. Howell.

"Well…" said the Professor realizing his error, "on second thought, I guess I meant to say that Gilligan has now become the instrument of our complete and utter destruction."

"What!?" said Gilligan, but no one else was surprised. Each in their turn began choking and sank beneath the murky waters of the lagoon. Down below, someone's foot happened to kick a wayward marine mine which exploded, blowing them all back to civilization where they were treated for rabies and released.

"This feels weird," said Mr Howell, standing on the corner with the rest of the group.

"I know what you mean," said Skipper, "And to think, it was my little buddy, Gilligan and his shenanigans that saved us, after all."

"I agree," said the monkey, lighting a cigar and blowing a smoke ring that resolved itself into some words, spelling:

**"The End!"**


End file.
